Updated: Nov 13, 2021
My Kind Of Monster
By Lillith Roman
Who is in it?
What Should I Watch Out For?
Dark Romance, swear words, violence, gore
What's the Story?
Two souls destined to walk in the darkness, one trying to find their way, the other trying to find their inspiration, somehow find each other.
Suki Knoxx has searched for someone to bring demons to light only to get sucked into someone else's hell. She runs from him, in the remote reaches of the Colorado wilderness, in the cold, snow, naked. Screaming for dear life, she's saved by Niklas who hears and feels what he usually can't in her scream. Emotions.
He saves her with the intent to keep her locked up as a prisoner in his remote cabin in the woods because this is only the second time he has ever been able to feel something other than pain/fear in another person.
As she relies on him to keep her safe (somewhat) he is learning that he relies on her to help him discover emotions. And as her original captor gets closer, she begins to realize that the demons she sees in his eyes are the same demons she sees in her own.
What's the Trope?
Partners In Fighting Crime
Who Else Would I Like, if I Like This?
Writing style: 4.5/5
Character Chemistry: 5/5
Steam Rating: 4.5/5
OKAY, the part you want. What did I think? If you don't want spoilers, skip this part.
If you can't guess by the rating, I LOVED this book. Holy shit-- loved this book. I texted my bestie at the end and told her my heart was happy.
Was it graphic? Yes. I don't mind that stuff. Were the characters amazing? Holy shit yes.
Suki starts off as a bit of an idiot, but I get why. From an early age, she feels like she has a darkness inside her. Her mother abused her and drugs, almost pimps her out and it's years before her father realizes what is happening. When he does, her parents divorce. She thinks that she will end up with mental illness like her mother.
He remarries and Suki finally has a stable family, but the darkness in her soul lingers. When she wakes to her mother killing her stepmother, brother, and father, Suki kind of flips and very briefly embraces the darkness and kills her mother. At that moment her life is changed, terrified that she is now a horrible person, she stuffs down the darkness until she can't take it anymore and needs to find an outlet. She thinks she'll find it in BDSM, and goes searching for someone online.
She meets Adrien, who lures her in and then keeps her prisoner. Except it's not BDSM, he was looking for someone to torture. And he does, for 6 months in a remote town in Colorado. One night she plans her escape and is able to run through the woods- screaming for her life.
Niklas hears her and it sparks something in him that he hasn't felt since years before when he heard a woman being raped. It's never explicitly stated, but I think it was implied that he has autism but is high-functioning. What he lacks in emotional awareness he makes up for in the ability to read people. Niklas' story begins in San Francisco (where he is from) when he is out walking and hears a woman being raped, in that occurrence he is turned on because it is the first time he has actually felt someone's emotions. So he spends the rest of his adult life looking for it. He has relationships, he even has a long-term girlfriend and one night he is out, hears a blood-curdling scream, and instantly he feels more than just the fear. He goes to the woman who is screaming, she is being attacked and he beats the ever-living shit out of her captor, the woman watches and when he is done, she books it. He spends the rest of the coming years searching for that feeling again, through explicit relationships. Tired of searching and not finding it, he sells his company, his home, and moves to a remote mountain top in Colorado-- where he hears Suki's yell and runs out to find her.
His intent is not to find her and save her, he wants to cause her to scream again in terror, pain. He wants to feel everything that she has to give. He saves her, brings her back to his place, and proceeds to fulfill every erotic desire he and she have, while she struggles to embrace the darkness in herself.
She loves the pain he gives, the fear he elicits, and the stability that he provides. He pushes her boundaries without causing the pain that Adrien caused. This opens her up to the person who she has been hiding, and eventually, Niklas helps her achieve her full potential.
OKAY... this is a VERY DARK BOOK. If you don't like reading about someone's death, don't read this book. But if you don't mind that- you have to read this.
This book is a good example of deep point of view, there are no emotion words, you just feel everything through the character's words. It's beautiful, truly beautiful.
I loved this book, if you don't mind dark themes, you will too.
Please give it a shot.